My Soulmate: “We were Destined to be together and been dreaming of each other from an early age.”

Article by Craig Hamilton-Parker

Spiritualist medium describes who is your soul mate and the concepts of a group soul, twin soul and knowing one another before birth and after death. Add your comments at the bottom and discuss whether some of the Internet babble about soul mates, twin flames and so on are fact of just romantic fantasies.

Spiritual Relationships & Soul Mates

“I know that I’m going where Lucy is.” Last words of Rutherford B. Hayes, American president who died in 1893 and welcomed the chance to see his wife, Lucy, again.

In the past, illness, war, and poverty were the main causes of worry for most people. Today, the world has changed, and modern people’s main worries have turned more toward human relationships. We still have the old difficulties, of course, and lots of new ones–particularly stress-related and close-quarter illnesses that come with city life. Troubled relationships, nonetheless, are high on most people’s do-something-about list in striving for happiness.

Dreaming of your Soul Mate

CaptureMy spiritual work is primarily to help the bereaved, but I sometimes also find myself helping people with their life issues. At the top of that list, and by far the cause of more mental anguish than anything else, are relationship problems. There are, however, a few wonderful exceptions. For example, one client named Sarah told me that for years she had a recurring dream of the same man. “The dream has been with me ever since I was a kid,” Sarah explained. “I knew every detail about him. His name was Paul, he had dark hair, and he was in the Navy.”

Then Sarah met her dream lover at a nightclub. “Everything about Paul was exactly the same as in my dream,” continued Sarah. “Yes, he was in the Navy, and he had dark hair. But in the dream he hands me a red rose and a white silk scarf.” What happened next, as Sarah related it, “Paul told me of his recurring dreams. In them he gives a woman–who looks exactly like me–a red rose and silk scarf!”

It would appear that Paul and Sarah were destined to be together, having been dreaming of each other from an early age. The last I heard was that they are now planning to get married.

A similar predetermination happened to me. The famous psychic medium Doris Stokes told me that I’d meet my future wife, Jane Wallis, on the 6th of March. She was slightly wrong. I met and soon married Jane Willis on the 6th of March, 1989.

Perhaps you feel that there is another person who is your ideal partner and with whom you have a pre-existing spiritual bond. Could it be that you will discover who that soul mate is when you go to the afterlife?


Some occult traditions state that the soul is really hermaphroditic: that far back in time each soul split into two parts, male and female, and that the souls of the two half-beings will eventually become one again. In psychological terms, it may result from the need for our own spiritual wholeness. Carl Jung claimed that each of us is psychologically part male and part female. He called these two aspects of the self the Anima (female) and the Animus (male). The Anima and Animus appear in dreams and fantasies as the perfect man or woman. It is often projected onto the opposite sex, resulting in the experience of “falling in love.” During dreams, the figures manifest as a guide to the soul and offer creative possibilities for the individuation process. It could be argued that the romantic notion of a soul mate occurs because modern people have failed to instigate the inner quest towards spiritual wholeness. This inner process is now projected onto other people who we see as the antidote for all our troubles.

Some people believe that soul mates are two halves of one soul that has been split apart to speed up the process of spiritual evolution by taking in earth-plane experiences at double speed. In this instance, finding one’s soul mate is literally finding one’s other half. I see no reason the soul has to evolve at rapid speed as it has already spent millions of years getting to the point we are at now. Similarly, human relations are never perfect and even “soul mates” need to argue and go through the trials that all relationships tend to meet at some time. It’s all part of a healthy relationship. It’s our differences that push us emotionally and spiritually forward. Soul Mates is clearly an appealing romantic notion, but I am uncertain whether it is a reality.

Nonetheless, we sometimes meet people in life who we instantly like or dislike. This can apply to friends as well as to persons we fall in love with or marry. There are also powerful bonds between families and occasionally between groups of friends. Could it be that some souls are interconnected by an invisible affiliation. Is there perhaps a coming together of souls that some have called the group soul?

The Group Soul and Over Soul

You have been mine before,– How long ago I may not know: But just when at that swallow’s soar Your neck turn’d so, Some veil did fall,—I knew it all of yore.

–Dante Gabriel Rossetti (1828-1882)

What is the Group Soul?

My spiritual guide has told my group that only a part of an individual’s identity incarnates at any one time. Like a diamond with many facets, only one face is turned to the world. Part of us exists here, on the earth plane, and there’s another part that is not born at all. It remains in the afterlife. By centring our awareness on this part of ourselves, we can become aware of the afterlife itself. Mediumship is, in effect, introspection.

During your normal life, you may notice that your consciousness is continually shifting. It is as if it is moving up and down a ladder. For example, there may be times when you are filled with spiritual feelings and are unattached to the ties of the world. However, at other times, you may be filled with anger and other such negative emotions, and your consciousness is far from spiritual. Often people who we think of as spiritual can show traits that contradict this. In all of us, there is both the serene enlightened being and the animalistic “monkey mind” (a term used in the east to describe the lower self).

The Ladder of Consciousness

We are continually moving up and down the ladder of our being. The aim of human spiritual development is to establish habits that enable us to move up the ladder and remain centered in our spiritual self. The “monkey mind” is difficult to transcend. Just like a monkey, it is easily distracted and can sometimes be sneaky and tricky. It is the aspect of ourselves that creates the ego that clings to selfishness and self-importance. It takes itself very seriously and is very much bound to earthly life.

In the afterlife, we continue to move up and down the ladder of consciousness. However, now this movement becomes more apparent to us. For example, on earth the world may not look especially bright when we are in a glum mood but, in the mental worlds of the afterlife, the whole environment alters according to our state of mind. As our center of consciousness changes so does the world around us.

The “monkey mind” likes to put itself first. The “enlightened mind” puts others first. Most of us fall somewhere in between these conditions. When self becomes less important to us, we can move towards the “enlightened mind.” And when we do this we discover that we are all fundamentally the same. The innermost part of you, from which everything else about us has arisen, remains unborn. It is at one with God. By knowing in essence this, we can know everything, for everything has arisen from this one source.

Some mystical systems also talk of the “over-soul” or “over-self.” This is the real “I” that manages us from a higher plane of existence. I Sanskrit it is called the Adhyatma and is the nucleus of the higher self. Michael Newton, Ph.D., who has spoken to the spirits using hypnosis, explains it as the link with all souls to its existence. “All souls are part of the same divine essence, generated from one over-soul. This intelligent energy is universal in scope and so we all share in divine status. If our soul reflects a small part of the over-soul we call God, then our guides give the mirror by which we are able to see ourselves connected to this creator.”

I have often wondered if the guides are part of the over-self, but questions put to my guide when I am in trance show that the guide has an independent existence. Starting at the top of the ladder of being, we can say that all things belong to the one group soul. As this innocent soul subdivides to gain experience and self-knowledge, it forms many other souls. Just as stars form into galaxies, so souls are attracted together into groups. We are members of the earth soul group. There are also soul groups for alien species.

Alien Group Souls?

Asked whether we can link to beings of the alien group souls, my spiritual guides have explained that it is of no benefit. Just as there is a vast distance between the galaxies, so too is there is a division between the spiritual states of each system. In the highest realms, we can become aware of each other; but this is “no big deal” as they say, as by this time we have attained the same spiritual state and therefore know the same things. Seeking out alien beings through mediumship is a distraction and subject to fantasy. It is better to seek out direct experience of the spiritual states of being to which all life attains.

I had a somewhat off-putting experience of alien trance mediumship. I was invited to attend a small group, doing some very interesting work with past-life regression hypnotism. Here I saw some very interesting stuff, including witnessing someone I knew speaking Old French–even though they had no knowledge of the language. Towards the end of the evening, one of the visitors said she would like to prove how to channel aliens. This would not be a hypnotic demonstration. She proudly explained that, in this, she was far higher than any medium: she was a “natural.”

Maybe it was the squeaky high voice, or perhaps the opening words “We come in peace” that put me off. The host and I squirmed with embarrassment as we listened to some of the most amazing nonsense ever heard. Everything was completely unsubstantiated by any facts that could be verified, but spoken with great authority.

The worrying part was that others in the room were taking it seriously. We had listened to a wonderful demonstration of the “monkey mind” in action.

Your Group Soul

It may be that certain souls belong to a group of souls that are like many parts of one being–similar in some way to how a swarm of bees appears to have a consciousness of its own, or a crowd of people act as if with one mind. The group soul may be a form of shared consciousness, originating from the earliest spirit formation. Evolving over many animal lifetimes, this soul group then likely began to share human incarnations together. If this is the case, then many of the people you know and love may be part of the same soul group.

When we progress to the higher realms of the spirit, individual identity becomes less important and we gradually merge again with the members of our group. This process continues with your group soul merging with other group souls, ad infinitum. Eventually all souls merge together as one.

My own feeling about this is that all life is interconnected in some way, and this interconnectedness extends through all levels of life and death (a bit like the “force” alluded to in the movie Star Wars). However, I do feel that individual will is important. We are all a unique expression of God’s nature.

We have a certain affiliation with some people because we have spent time with each other over many incarnations. I believe that because of this we return together in groups. This may be why certain families–such as the Kennedys–may have a family karma. The idea here is that, because of karmic involvement from past lives, we may return together to reap the effects of these past interactions. According to this view, fathers and sons,  might reverse roles in successive lifetimes to balance the karmic debt.

We are like small bands of travelling players that come together to act out a play that we planned while in the afterlife, actually between-life, planes. Sometimes we swap roles, and occasionally a new player joins the group for a while. The costumes change, the sets are different, and the story’s themes are altered, but most of the actors and actresses remain the same.

The Assembly of the Group Soul

When you join the afterlife, you will recognize the people who are a part of your group soul. Many of these people will have moved to the afterlife before you, and others will still be walking the earth. Some may not have incarnated with you this time around, but you will nonetheless recognize them from time long past. Your kinship is such that it will feel as if no time has passed. Just like when you meet a close friend from years ago and it is as if not more than a day has passed since you last spoke. You carry on where you left off.

You will spend a great deal of your time in the afterlife interacting with these people to whom you have a soul resonance, and the decision to reincarnate will be decided collectively between you. Although you may not initially all be born into the same family, or close to one another, the natural law will ensure that eventually your paths will meet and you will share new experiences together. Among the people of your group soul will be those you love and those you may need to share and overcome future challenges.

Find Out More:


‘What to Do When You are Dead’ explores what happens after death and describes the world we will find there. It is a powerful book that draws on near death experiences, spiritual traditions as well as the medium’s direct experiences.

References and Works Cited

  • Hamilton-Parker, Craig (2010) What To Do When You Are Dead Sterling imprint Barnes & Noble ISBN 978-1-4027-7660-1 (Languages: English, Dutch, Portuguese) BUY THE BOOK HERE


3 comments… add one
  • Ann Jul 2, 2018, 3:21 pm

    I felt asexual and aromantic until I was 27. I didn’t feel like having sex with anyone, nor hug or kiss, I actually wanted to be single for life and was happy like that. People thought it was weird because I am attractive and always had lots of male attention. But I never felt anything for anyone.

    Then I had this dream about being on an alien ship or something with aliens looking like humans. They hooked me and a man up to a machine with fluid and said we were 86% compatible, and that they wanted to prove something to me.

    A month later I met my partner who I have been with for 4 years now and it feels as if we are soulmates. I fell in love with him for the first time in my life. We met online as he is from another country but not that far from mine. We have been living together from the start and starting to try for a baby now 🙂 I suddenly wasn’t asexual anymore, and love hugging and kissing with him. I took a 180 turn

  • Dara Nov 17, 2014, 4:41 pm

    Hello, I like your flow of logic. I also liked and agreed with the collective consciousness and soul group explanations.
    Did not understand what is your point of view on soul mates. Could you give a very brief explanation in some few sentences?
    Do they exist? Are they 2 sides of the same coin? I heard also about soul mates and soul flames. Should there a difference? At another level of consciousness evolution?

    • Craig Hamilton-Parker Nov 19, 2014, 12:33 pm

      The whole topic of soulmates is open to speculation and beliefs so there is no definitive answer. If pushed, I would say that the idea of soul mates is probably a romantic fantasy but nonetheless some people are brought together in this life because of very strong bonds and karma from previous lives. This driving need to be together over multiple lives could be classed as a ‘soul mate’. I do not however accept the idea of one person becoming two or being two sides of the same coin and so on – there is only one individual identity and, as far as I know, there is no proof whatsoever for this soul flames idea.

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