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The Bald Facts about those Love Bumps!

Run your fingers over yours or your lovers skull and note where you can feel a love bump. Then identify the meaning of your love bump by clicking the appropriate number on the Demi illustration above. Discover what phrenology says about your sex drive.

PHRENOLOGY is a theory which claims to be able to determine character, personality traits, and criminality on the basis of the shape of the head (reading "bumps"). Developed by German physician Franz Joseph Gall around 1800, and very popular in the 19th century, it is now discredited as a pseudo science.

I also have serious doubts as to whether Phrenology has any credibility but that didn't stop me from writing this fun article for the Sunday Mirror! This page is based on real phrenology but with a slight twist by your truly.

LOVE TEST: Phrenology Love Tester
phrenology head 01


According to psychic author and researcher, Craig Hamilton-Parker, the shape of the skull indicates how sexy you are and says a lot about your relationships.

Mind-blowing sexual powers may be more to do with the shape your skull than what's inside it. And your bumps can reveal even more.

Sexual Phrenology is the technique of assessing the nature of a person from the shape of their head. And it will show you what kind of lover YOU are.

Austrian born doctor Franz Joseph Gall (1758-1828) was the first to investigate the link between head shape and personality. His theories spread to England during the Victorian era. Many of Dr Gall's discoveries were considered far too shocking to reveal at the time.


Now, at last, I am able to divulge Sexual Phrenology's sizzling secrets.

Phrenology divides the human head into 42 areas called the organs. The illustration shows the main areas with the sexy parts highlighted in red. Bumps on any of these organs indicate passions. Try feeling your partners bumps to see if have loving qualities such as an bump for the organ of generosity, rhythm, humour etc.. Once you've found the bump, consult my at-a-glance chart to discover what they say about your sex drive.....

I have identified the most passionate spots as located at the very back of the skull on either side. I call these the "passion bumps"- which indicates sexual appetite. Less serious phrenologists call these the bonking bumps.

If you, or better still, or your partner have these bumps located in AREA 1 on the photograph you are a highly sexual person.

Interestingly the Japanese have been aware of this for centuries and believe that if you kiss the area just below this on the back of your partner's neck it gives an extraordinary sensation and can throw them into a wild sexual frenzy. Some now call this the Japanese spot or J spot.

MORE: TRY THE PSYCHICS LOVE TEST - Have you met your soul-mate?


The overall shape of the head says a lot about your personality and passions. Find out if your partner's a passion filled hot head or just a dull boring bone head:

  • 1. ROUND: A rounded head indicates a strong, confident, courageous but sometimes restless nature. Be careful not to rely too much on a partner with this shape skull- they may find it hard to settle into a permanent relationship. This person loves sexual variety so make sure there's a copy of the Karma Sutra by the bed. Try checking to see if they have any bumps on areas 21, 17, 6, 5, 3 and especially 2. If they have they are more likely to remain faithful.
  • 2. SQUARE: A square head indicates a solid, reliable person who is deeply thoughtful and purposeful. You're going to need to titillate this one to bring them out of their shell. Feel their bumps. Perhaps there's a simmering sex pot hidden somewhere underneath that controlled exterior. Look for bumps on areas 24, 23, 21, 4, and especially 1 to discover if they have secret passions.
  • 3. WIDE: The wider head is said to suggest an energetic, outgoing character. Don't expect to get any sleep with this partner. You'll be bonking all night long. They will need to keep themselves under control so examine their head for bumps to indicate self control: 40, 22, 20, 16, and especially 13 and 9.
  • 4. NARROW: A narrow head indicates a narrow mind and a withdrawn and inward-looking nature. They care more about themselves than you.  So it'll be all over as soon as they're satisfied. But all may not be lost. Examine the head to see if they have bumps to indicate loving and extrovert qualities. Look for 30, 26, 24, 23, 7, 6, 4, 3, 2 and 1.
  • 5. OVAL: An ovoid shape belongs to an intellectual- the egghead boffin. Great if you want someone to improve your mind but a dead loss if you're looking for hot nights between the sheets. But just because someone's cleaver doesn't necessarily mean that the can't be passionate. Take a look at their bumps to see if there's an untamed animal lurking beneath the intellectual facade. Look for bumps in areas: 26, 25, 21, 10, 7, 4, 3, 2 and of course bonking bump No 1.



Using our specially designed Sexual Phrenology Scale, work out your vital statistics.

Size is everything if you want to be a top boffin. Many people are aware of Phrenology's claim that highly intelligent people have large heads and high broad foreheads. Conversely people with little or no reasoning power have small flat heads with slanting foreheads. But not everyone necessarily wants to be an egg head. There are certain skull measurements that may be far more important to you- such as those that determine your bonking ability.

 Everybody's head is shaped differently. Phrenology teaches that the skulls of people with high sexual motivation are well developed at the back of the head whereas those who are very moral or religious have large top-heads. The shape of the head reveals the true nature of man and woman.

It is interesting to note that the famous 'Sculls of Doom', one of which is held in the Museum of Mankind in London, are shaped to suggest sexual power. These ominous quartz crystal skulls are believed to be from the ancient Mayan civilization and discovered at Lubantum in Belize. According to legend these skulls have tremendous magical powers that can be used for good or evil. Two skulls have been discovered so far. Some people claim that there are another five still lost. One day all seven sculls will be reunited and when this happens the destiny of the world will be radically changed forever. 

Phrenologists would propose that proportions of crystal Skulls of Doom illustrate a person of great sexual prowess. Maybe the secret magical powers that the sculls are claimed to release are sexual in origin?

Love Test Results - What your love bumps say about you!

Phrenology 1

Bonking bumps. Bumps here show just how interested you are in the opposite sex and how interesting they find you. If you have bumps in similar places, on both sides of the skull your appeal is doubled. You're hot, hot hot. TOP

Phrenology 2

You're a faithful and loyal lover. You need serious and secure relationship

Phrenology 3

Sympathetic and gentle, that's you. You're a family person. TOP

Phrenology 4

For you a lover must be a friend first, partner second. You may have many casual relationships before settling down. TOP

Phrenology 5

Why go out when you can have steamy nights at home? Home is where the heart is.. TOP

Phrenology 6

All your attention goes on the one you love. And you maintain your passion all night long. TOP

Phrenology 7

You are the athletic type. You enjoy sex but need a partner with as much stamina as you have. TOP

Phrenology 8

Risks are the name of your game. You are attracted to dangerous liaisons. TOP

Phrenology 9

You like to take the lead. You are confident and rarely alone. TOP

Phrenology 10

For you size IS everything. You like your lovers overweight. TOP

Phrenology 11

You're a rotten lover because you are so stingy. You must learn to give. TOP

Phrenology 12

Your life has been a series of affairs. You are not to be trusted. TOP

Phrenology 13

Sometimes you can be too careful. For heaven's sake, let your hair down. TOP

Phrenology 14

You need to be popular so you move from lover to lover, leaving a trail of broken hearts. TOP

Phrenology 15

You love yourself too much to make a good lover. You're all talk. TOP

Phrenology 16

Your willpower and determination will seduce all. TOP

Phrenology 17

You have integrity but your self-righteousness makes you cold. TOP

Phrenology 18

One day you'll find the love of your dreams. TOP

Phrenology 19

Sex is low on your list of life's priorities. TOP

Phrenology 20

You are a very formal and unadventurous lover. TOP

Phrenology 21

You are generous to a fault but may lose out in love. TOP

Phrenology 22

Love is a mechanical process for you. TOP

Phrenology 23

You love beauty. For you love is an art. TOP

Phrenology 24

Love has to be sublime ecstasy or nothing. TOP

Phrenology 25

You are not a natural lover but you learn quickly and soon become one of the best. TOP

Phrenology 26

Your laughter seduces and is therapy for the prudish. Sex is fun! TOP

Phrenology 27

You spend too much time thinking about what you'd like to do and miss every opportunity. TOP

Phrenology 28

You criticize yourself and everyone else. Come on- join in the fun. TOP

Phrenology 29

You know what makes people tick and can anticipate their most secret desire. TOP

Phrenology 30

Your sweet words will melt the hardest of hearts. TOP

Phrenology 31

You have a brilliant memory. Enjoy yourself when young and you can reflect when older. TOP

Phrenology 32

You have the capacity for judging rhythm and tempo. You make love like a cosmic dance. TOP

Phrenology 33

You have an "ear" for music- it's your aphrodisiac. TOP

Phrenology 34

Your saucy love letters are the key to your seductive powers. TOP

Phrenology 35

You hate routine. You love the burlesque and the exotic. TOP

Phrenology 36

You are turned on by what you see. TOP

Phrenology 37

You have an eye for proportion so your lover must be the perfect shape. TOP

Phrenology 38

You have a talent for balancing passion with tenderness. TOP

Phrenology 39

Colour turns you on. That sexy red outfit may unlock your passions TOP

Phrenology 40

You are organized and systematic. Try something new. TOP

Phrenology 41

You have mathematical ability- not much use in bed, I'm afraid. TOP

Phrenology 42

You enjoy travel and have a sense of place. If you can't afford to take your lover to the Caribbean, then try the kitchen. TOP